Home Health Healthiness Raising your children affects their relationships in the future

Raising your children affects their relationships in the future

The search for their children’s partners is based on the affection they experienced at home in childhood

“When a human baby is born, it is very helpless”. That’s what neuropsychologist Deborah Moss, master of developmental psychology, says. In childhood, children need a lot of dedication from their parents, as they are the ones who will present the world to them through affection.

The influence of this exchange is such that it can define not only the child’s future personality, but also his love relationships. These patterns experienced in childhood can help to perpetuate behaviors in the construction of your new family.

According to Deborah, young children learn through imitation and parents are role models. They begin to imitate their mother or father in games and, as they grow up, this becomes internalized and incorporated into the behavior in an unconscious way.

From childhood to relationships

“There is research that shows that women whose father was an alcoholic end up looking for similar partners,” he exemplifies.

Both negative and positive experiences can have a great influence on this choice.

Positive experiences: Children living in an environment with parents who respect and have a loving relationship observe this and acquire a reference to seek relationships similar to those of their own parents.

Negative experiences: At the same time, children exposed to domestic violence, abuse, verbal or psychological aggression; or even less affectionate parental relationships, with narcissistic parents or with a psychiatric problem such as schizophrenia, depression and bipolarity, can also take these marks into your adult life.

“If she doesn’t break these models, it is quite possible that, in the repetition of her own family context, she will end up looking for similar partners,” says Deborah. However, even if this consequence is a trend, it does not represent a cause and consequence relationship.

“The trend is the reproduction of models, but there is a possibility of breaking with these repetitions”, he completes.

Many young people reframe their experiences and use them as an “anti-model” of the family system. Thus, they seek healthier partners and more stable family relationships, with characteristics opposite to those of the father and mother.

Attachment theory

And it is not only in the choice of partners that parents can influence. These relationships experienced in childhood also have an impact on the formation of the child’s personality and on his perception of the world.

According to neuropsychologist Bia Sant’Anna, even in childhood we built beliefs about yourself and the world that become rigid rules that will serve as a basis for your behaviors.

She cites psychiatrist John Bowlby to explain the impact of the type of relationship established with the primary caregiver during early childhood. According to him, in his Attachment Theory, these patterns can be divided into:

  • Secure attachment: The child explores the environment, confident that he can seek the primary caregiver as a support base
  • Anxious attachment: The child manifests difficulty in dealing with the absence of the caregiver, who is usually very protective
  • Ambivalent or resistant attachment: The child seeks contact, but is also resistant, when the caregiver’s behavior is inconsistent
  • Avoidance of attachment: There is little sharing of affection on the part of the child, usually associated with a caregiver who is unavailable
  • Disorganized attachment: The child presents contradictory and disorganized behaviors, commonly associated with a confusing and not very affective environment.
  • The formation of these patterns takes place in the so-called critical period of development, when a child is more sensitive to certain environmental stimuli. That’s because, the younger, the more plastic and moldable the brain is. During this period, a large number of synapses (nerve connections) are formed, through experience and interaction.

    “Not that it is irreversible or fixed, but it is highly desirable to develop early positive affective bonds, as they certainly affect later relationships”, completes the neuropsychologist Bia.

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